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Tips for the adoptive mother / stepmother

Tips for the adoptive mother / stepmother

Adoptive or stepmother mothers are true heroines, warm souls and exceptional people. But the maternal feeling and the love towards the child or the baby towards them does not come as naturally as when a mother gives birth. But a true parent is the one who grows up, not necessarily the one who gives birth. Therefore, you need some essential tips to deal with the joy and joy of the state of fresh mom.

Think well if you are ready to adopt a child

Most mothers consider the idea of ​​adoption as a last resort when other methods of conceiving a baby fail. This is not the criterion for guiding yourself when considering the idea of ​​adoption. This decision must come from the heart and be made on the basis of precise and long documentation on all the implications provided by this action.

Tell your child that he is adopted

Many mothers avoid telling their children that they are adopted or do it too late. Thus, there is a risk of finding out from someone else, and his reaction could be disastrous. They may lose their confidence in you, so it's good to tell them this yourself.

You have to accept it as it is

The child has a history and it is not his fault. The place and the environment of origin could be imprinted on some habits and behaviors or genetic predispositions. Don't try to accuse him of something that doesn't depend on him. Learn to love him and accept him as he is, always guiding him towards good things through education, discipline and much love. After all, it is your child.

Set limits, set clear rules and apply consequences of non-compliance

Some adoptive mothers have some difficulty or restraint in disciplining children and especially in applying punishments or arguing for them. There is a certain feeling that "they have no right", but once you become his mother, even the adoptive one, it is your responsibility to turn him into a responsible adult, mature and capable of achieving something in life. All these things impose discipline, rules, limits and often be able to say and NOT in front of the countless demands of the child.

Never tell the child that you should be pleased that you adopted him

Besides being very ugly, it is against all parental principles. You do not have to make him feel like a "pity" in your home or create frustration. You risk making him hate you and get away from him. You can "get it out of your hand" and gradually destroy your relationship with it. On the contrary, every time you have the opportunity, tell him how lucky and happy you are to be part of your family.

Spend the same time and interest as if it were your child

Be dedicated, enthusiastic and give the same interest in raising and educating him as if he were your baby. You should never think that it "is not worth it" or that "it is enough" in what you offer. Give him the same attention and privileges as your own child. In fact, it really is your child!

Never compare it to another child (born to you)

If you decide to adopt a child and you already have one or more children in your family, born to you, it is important to see everyone as your own children and not to make comparisons and differences between them. In no case do not make the mistake of comparing the adopted little one with one of his siblings and never emphasize that he is not your natural child. It is possible to get on your nerves or in a fit of anger, but this can have irreparable repercussions. The little ones should be raised, loved and educated in the same spirit.

It is advisable to try to treat them equally and not to make preferences for your natural children, disadvantaging the adopted one. It is advisable even to try to give her a bit more attention, but not noticeable, to feel good in the family.

Don't try to force them to do something just because you want to

Don't try to make him a doctor if he wants to be a musician. It does not impose your point of view or decisions just because you are a "mother", that higher court that has the right to do so. There is a trap in this practice of adoptive mothers.

Biological children can be taffy, impose their point of view because they feel they have the right to do so, but adopted children will always try to please their adoptive parents, to the detriment of their talents or passions. They believe that if they do what you want, they will gain your affection and love, with the risk of inhibiting your true passions.

Try to encourage the child's talents and cultivate his passions. Because sooner or later you may be reprimanded for not letting him do what he wants and you may feel frustrated because of it.

Tags Adopted child Growth of adopted children Care of adopted children Adoption